Friday, August 31, 2007

Prince Charming? Or Skewed Cartoon Version of the Men We Already Know?

I know that I typically use this blog as an outlet for political topics, current events and even faith sometimes. But tonight, something else is on my heart...and my mind. Out of need to express myself, but not being able to find my journal (as my entire being seems to be in a disheveled state whilst packing up mass amounts of "life") I am going to unload here on the internet.

I am 26 years old. I have had men who have "loved me," showered me with undying affection, etc, etc; yada yada yada, who have adored me and have been willing to give me the moon, should I ask for it.

Something is always keeping me from accepting this affection. Its not that these men are altogether terrible people (no one is perfect, I am included in this), they are not ogars (although it is rare that you will find that I am attracted to a man w/o physical imperfections or flaws); Brad Pitt has never been my type; or that they lack the ability to make me happy -most of the time.

I think my problem is more inward though. I am not sure how to make MYSELF happy. I don't know what makes me happy, so how can I expect someone else to know how? I have read the Five Love Languages, and to be honest, I couldn't tell you what my love language is.

Here is the "whoa is me" moment of the night (and then I promise to stop): I didn't receive affection in any form as a child, at least not often, so I think that as an adult I crave them ALL.

As an American female, we are told as girls that we should wait for our 'Prince Charming' -but then that dream is shattered when we realize that this cartoon version of what we are supposed to wait for is just that: a CARTOON. Its not real. Its insanity. If someone would have sat me down when I was 16, and still very much dreaming of my white knight on his gallant steed riding in to rescue me, and smacked me upside the head and helped that dream come to a screeching halt, would I be better off?

waiting for something that is in no way mirrored by reality wise? Is shattering some one's dreams of fairy tales a good idea? Is the reason that so many of my friends are still single because we have unrealistic expectations of men? Often times we whine, stating that men are the ones with the unrealistic expectations, looking for a mother more than a wife.

Remember in the old movies, men used to go to work and women stayed home with the children. Men went to work and provided. Women were the emotional, sometimes insensible creatures, while men provided the level headedness that is needed in day-to-day life. In the age of the metro sexual, effeminate, in-touch-with-his-emotions male, have we lost our sense of place in relationships? With single parent homes, two income households to keep up with the Joneses and such, are we pushing role reversal to a stressful wish list to build the perfect man, when perfection doesn't exist?

Do women think that Prince Charming is going to ride into our lives, sit down, shut up, go to work & bring home the bacon, be emotionally available at ALL times, help rear the children, be the head of the household, but also the tail? Are we being unrealistic in what we want? Are we being FAIR in what we're asking for? Do we even know what we're asking for?

As a woman who was recently asked, "Just how many boyfriends have you had?" -I have to look back and evaluate those relationships. Have I learned anything in the past 10 years? Have I really tried to better myself once a 'quirk' is pointed out? Am I afraid of commitment? (<---I threw this in for my friends who told me last Sunday that it is me, not the men)

Anyhow, I guess life isn't always easy to figure out. I could very well end up being my worst nightmare; 30 and SINGLE.

Pastor Barnett did a sermon once and he talked about learning to ride a horse before you actually bought the horse. It seems crude to relate marriage to riding a horse, but I will do it anyway. HA! I've taught myself to cook, I've read the books on being a Godly, supportive (and even prayerful) wife. Apparently there is something else I need to learn or do before I actually get married.

If I want to be married I can do that. If I want to be successful in marriage, and in love, I need to slow down and figure out what exactly He is trying to teach me.
All I know is that I am over Friday nights alone, and sitting by myself at church. I want someone to take care of...but also someone to take care of me.
Perhaps its selfish. But I am only human...