Love Lost

It's not that I want to be in DC or anything, I mean, not permanently...Obviously, since I did move home & all, but there are certain things that I miss. I miss not having to drive ANYWHERE. I hate to drive, and the fact that the beast is on its way out, makes me upset that Phoenix doesn't have a decent public transit system. (I could walk 5 blocks to the Metro station & be anywhere I needed or wanted to be in 10-15 minutes, or LESS!)
I miss getting up in the morning & looking out of my balcony.
I miss seeing the changing leaves (obviously this is not an issue right now- they would be bright green, and so beautiful anyway). I miss being near historical sites and minutes from where it all is happening. I miss that feeling of excitement you get from just walking down the streets. At any given time when you step out onto D street, or K street, or wherever, there is this hustle from all the people around you. This sense of urgency that says, "move or be moved." I moved home partly because I didn't like the people in D.C., but I really did love this aspect of life. I am a mover & a shaker. I want to be in the middle of it all. Whatever "it all" is. That's where I want to be.
I find life in Phoenix can be fast paced, if you let it. I haven't gotten back into my groove of being "in it" all the time. I am looking to be "in it" in a different way than I was before I left though. I don't want to be everywhere just for the sake of being everywhere. I want it to have meaning and purpose this time around. I dont want to be busy because I am afraid of being alone, or because I want to look important. I want to make an actual difference. I guess that's why I moved to NV and the DC in the first place, and ultimately why I moved home. I didn't make much of a difference in DC, I need to make a difference.

But, if I am honest with myself, I know that there is one thing that I miss more than anything. That is the friends that I lost when I moved. People that I shared my life with. People that I thought would be around for forever. I respected these people, and I thought it was mutual. Its a shame that their respect for me was lost when I came back to Phoenix. I know that God gives us people for a moment, a season & a lifetime & it is up to us to figure out what impact we will let them have on our lives. I am just sad that things ended so badly.

In my quest in this life to make sure that I've apologized to people that I've hurt, to make amends with people that I've loved and lost, this is my time to say, "I am sorry." I wanted it to work, but it didn't. Be happy for me that I've found my place. I will always hold a special place for you in my heart, and I sincerely hope that you will do the same for me.