What Life is All About

I once heard someone say that if you aren't living on the edge, then you are taking up too much space. I thought at the time that was a ridiculous statement. After all, not everyone was called to be an adventurous individual, and that goes for me in my own personal life. I have come to realize that it is not necessarily the heroic acts that we hear of on TV or the radio, or the crazy nutballs that sky dive & bungee jump that make someone adventurous, it is taking an uncharacteristic step of faith.
Those of us who like to be in control (particularly the first borns in the family who like EVERYTHING to be just so) have a particularly hard time with being 'edgy.' I for one am not a spontaneous person. I need to have a plan, and a back up plan, and maybe one more plan after that, just in case. I have found though, that being away from everything that is familiar, in its own way has made me live on the edge, just a little bit. I'm not saying that I go out & party every night or that I am the talk of the town, or anything even close to that. On the contrary, I leave work every night around 9:00 pm & I head home. I don't talk to much of anyone, even my co-workers. Last night was Saturday, I was in bed by 8:30, and curled up with a good book & the news in the background , and asleep by 11:45. I know it doesn't sound edgy to most of you, but for those who know me best, this is a huge step for me.
I have always been the social butterfly, mostly because I am afraid of my own shadow. Deathly afraid of being alone, and always on the search for a new friend, or a new social setting. I am learning who I am, and what I want, for once in my life. I have no choice but to be on my own. It scares me to death, and even writing about it makes me cry, but you know what? I am going to be okay. In 3 months I will be home, with my friends, with my family, in my congregation. It will be like I never left...But on the inside, I will have focused on what I need, what I want, and where I am going. 
Maybe one day I will reach the top of the mountain of 'self-awareness' -but right now, all I want is to be aware of God's will. I believe it was His will for me to be here, alone. But not really alone, because He is always with us, He is always near, and He is always faithful. I am searching for His will right now, and for once, I believe that I have found it.
To me, this is the most adventurous, edgy thing that I have ever done.