Having Absolutely Nothing to Do with Politics

A friend recently approached me with a question as to what he should do with the current predicament he found himself to be in with Men's Shoe fashion. Apparently tassels are everywhere to be found. He asked me what I thought. Here is my honest opinion on the shoe industry's illustrious love affair with the tasseled shoe for men (and if they put it on a woman's shoe, I will probably boycott the company forever).
A man under the age of 33 should NOT ever wear a tasseled shoe. I only say NEVER because the only time it is appropriate on a younger man is when they are capable of pulling off the YUPPIE look, a la Don Johnson in Miami Vice, circa 1984. If a man can wear a white suit (which I also don't recommend anyone trying, this is not amateur hour here) or a HOT pink polo shirt (collar always popped) with loafers & no socks (Tammy- I'm thinking Kenny is in this mix somewhere, he can pull off the tassels, but he is like 35)...I'm digressing here- THEN TASSELS ARE ALLOWED. I say older men can pull this off because if they don't have a knowing, loving woman in their life, they don't know any better and we accept it by default.
The second option is if you work in the financial or science industries. I mean, and not to sound like a slam or anything, but you guys are known for being dorks, right? Okay, look at it this way: 1) You are probably intelligent and you have money (or at least know how to manage it well enough to make it look as though you have money)- therefore, most women will over look the shoes (even if they do have the dreaded tassel). AND 2) Most of the men I have known that are bankers, accountants and science geeks usually make me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants (this friend included), so once again, tassels are overlooked.
Point being, any man that will not object to a woman dressing him and wants to spend an hour or so with any said woman in question, all you have to do is say, "I don't know what kind of shoes to get, can you come to the mall with me?" You are making a woman very happy in many ways: 1) You are telling a woman that you want her to spend your money. 2) You are giving a woman permission to go shopping. 3) You are admitting in advance that you will probably screw this up if you do it on your own.
The Navy Blue Dilemma:
NEVER WEAR BLACK WITH NAVY BLUE. I have seen a lot of this lately. I am extremely upset, and somewhat offended. When did this become okay? I never got the memo, and even if Mr. Blackwell himself gave the okay, I am going to veto this decision. Burgundy shoes? Yes. Brown shoes? Okay. Black? Never. (Unless you are a Marine in Dress Blues, then you can do WHATEVER YOU WANT!!) Greg, the fact that you just admitted to me that you are an offender today, as I write this, makes me seriously cringe.
When in doubt, ask a woman. If there isn't one around, go to Banana Republic or Nordstroms and find the nearest gay guy. Oxfords, Greg, Oxfords. They look great with everything.