You Can Putt

As I walked into my bosses office on that fateful Sunday afternoon, my eyes began to well up with tears. It was my first day on the job. Jen and I had just finished one of the LONGEST and most BORING meetings of our life. It was information overload.
My boss, MRS, called me into his office. He could tell that I was upset, or that something wasn't right. I was afraid, I was alone, and I hated Las Vegas with a PASSION.
I sat down at MRS's desk and we started to talk. My voice quivered and I told him all of the things that I was feeling and just how overwhelmed I was with being in a new place, and being all alone. Then it started to happen, the thing that every man on the face of the Earth hates. I started to cry.
Do you know what MRS's response was? Suck it up or get out, or at least that was it in a nutshell. He said to me, "If you get sad, you can putt." (MRS was not known for being a softy at that time. I was his 5th field staffer -all the others before me had been canned, and I was on my way out too, obviously. Now he's a big softy.)
MRS had this golf putter in his office and he & the boss used to hit the balls around the office when things got to be a bit stressful. I thought, "What an idiot," at the time. Now, I think to myself that I had to prove to myself that I could stick it out. That I could make it on my own.
I was alone and afraid. I didn't want to stay in Vegas, but I was needed there. The President's job was on the line. I had to suck it up because I didn't have a choice. MRS thought I was a joke. I had to prove to HIM that I wasn't a complete retard. If for nothing else, I could not leave until I showed everyone that homesick or not, I was going to work my tail off.
This is a different situation though. I have a choice here. I am not needed. I can do anything I want. That was my excuse for moving out here. I am young, I am single. I don't have anything to lose. I have no attachments and no one to answer to. Now is the perfect time.
Well, I am thinking that now may be the perfect time to throw in the towel. I am not a quitter, so that's why this is so unique for me. Normally, as I did in Vegas, I would be stubborn and pig headed & stay just to either A) tick someone off or B) prove myself to someone that didn't believe in me.
Being here has made me upset, not anyone else, and I've found that I've proven myself to the only person that matters. ME. Anyone that needs me to prove anything to them doesn't really care about me or believe in me in the first place. I am the one that has something to prove to myself.
This time around, I need to prove to myself that I really can go home. I always want people to be proud of me. I want verbal praise. I crave that in my life for some reason. Now, more than ever I am going to show myself that I can be a successful person without having to be miserable. I need to humble myself. I need to suck it up and say, you know what? I made a mistake. I wasn't supposed to be here, but I am going to make it right. I will face everyone that I told I was supposed to go, and tell them they were right, I was wrong.
One of my favorite sayings is that God gives us free will. If we stray from His will, He will always lead us back down the right path if we listen for His voice.
I'm listening now. I think it might be time to putt.

We'll see though. It's been a hard day. I need to get some sleep. I'll let you know what I decide to do tomorrow...